The first rule after any operation is to be kind to your self. I’ve struggled to be kind to myself for much of my life. More than ever, I’m trying to learn self-compassion. I wonder if it is mere coincidence that a guy who struggles with self compassion is having heart problems…. With two aortic valve replacements by age 39, my third lease on life has already begun. It’s Easter Sunday, April 17, as I write this, an appropriate time to ponder the importance of new beginnings.

I am so deep

I'm like a submarine

or a Mars rover—

signal relay

has a delay.

I gazed down from the surface of the void,

where I floated effortlessly;

where sunbeams penetrated

only so far.

The long, straight, rays of light

filtered down through sea water,

flashing off circling schools of fish.

I felt no fear,

I'm nearly a year late to the party in buying the new Rifle guidebook by Darek Krol. Flipping through the pages has opened up quite a few unexpected emotions and prompted extensive reflection of dead friends and a bygone youth. Maybe that's why I hesitated to get it. This book has landed on my heart like a feather with a heavy THUD. Overall, the book has been a reminder that a zeal for life begins with an active choice to engage with the people around us and the challenges at hand. Also, perfection is a myth and grades don't matter too much.

When did I become afraid of a little rain? When did I lose faith in the sunshine?

I was walking Soleille to the dog park, seeking a taste of fresh air, as well as a sense of hope.

It was only after I left the house that I noticed the clouds packing in from the east. A cold breeze slapped my face. I felt some icy drops. Only shorts and a T-shirt covered my skin. My walk had just begun. Surely, I was setting myself up for disaster.